XXXI. Todd Chavez’s Adventure to Hell

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You are Todd Chavez, a jobless man living freely in bojack horseman's house. Recently you have been asked towards a job opportunity by Judah. He says that he has found a new place to live and wants you to help him with it. You are not sure what the job is exactly but you do know that if you don't get it done quickly then Judah will be forced to kick your ass out of his home.

After having a discussion with him, you agree to the task.

"Tell me about this place you're moving to again." You ask.

"It's called hob's bay and it's up in the woods by your old home." He says.

"Sounds creepy.

> You say "what is the job"

"It's nothing special, just moving boxes and furniture up to the house."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch, you said you'd help so that's what you'll do."

"There's no catch huh? Alright I'm in."

> You shit on judah's desk.

You run into the room, searching for any sign of cleanliness, as you do so you drop to your knees.

"SHIT! It's like a fucking meat locker in here!" You shout.

Your search is unsuccessful and you leave the room with a dissatisfied look on your face.

"I'll help you out but I need to get a few things. Do you have any food around here?" You ask.

"Um... I got some ramen."

"Perfect! Ramen for you!" You shout, looking at the floor.

"I can get it myself if you want."

"No way, I'll get it!"

You leave the house and begin to walk off to the grocery store.

> You walk past diane, and mr peanutbutter.

You walk by the house to see what the deal is with that woman and Mr. Peanutbutter. You manage to make it about a hundred feet before you're stopped by two men holding Desert Eagle pistols pointed directly at your face.

"Don't move." One of them says.

> You say "hey hey, im friends with mr penutbutter, we started a company together where Halloween is in January!"

"What? What the fuck?"

"I'm tellin you the truth! We met on an online message board when I was just a wee lad! We were both perverts that liked drawing dicks on peoples' pictures! I mean he's like family to me!"

The men continue to look at you skeptically.

"I can get you proof!" You say.

"PROOF? Like some sort of I'm your long lost cousin from Decapolis kind of proof?

> You say "let me in chnt"

You manage to fool the men and they open the door, but only a little bit. They close it and continue to aim their weapons at you.

"What the fuck, that's just creepy." You think to yourself.

> You call out to mr penutbutter.

You call out to Mr. Peanutbutter, who is sitting on the porch in front of his house, drinking a bottle of alcohol. He has obviously been drinking, and seems not to notice your presence.

> You say "hey buddy "

"Huh?" He answers.

"I said hey buddy! You've been doing a lot of that lately, drinking and sitting on your porch like some old man. If you don't start taking better care of yourself you're going to end up just like your father."

"Fuck off."

You sigh and leave, shaking your head. This is clearly a waste of your time, and you can't believe you got tricked into coming here in the first place.

mr penutbutter and diane trade skin for a moment, and it's now or never. You pull out your dick and begin to piss all over the porch. mr. peanutbutter takes no notice, but diane screams like a little girl and runs inside. You curse yourself for not thinking of that before you came here.

> You bruh.

You walk back up the path towards the house, shaking your head. What the hell were you thinking coming here? The guy you're supposed to meet is obviously an alcoholic that hasn't been in his own house in years. This whole situation was a trap, and now you're caught in it.

yell at mr penisbutter

You walk up to the door and yell at mr. Peanutbutter for being such a fucking pussy, you go into a rant about how you were happy to help him and how it's all his fault that you're in this situation now.

> You summon gru.

You pull out your phone and call for Gru. He appears before you, but instead of taking the opportunity to fuck your brains out he looks displeased.

"What?" He says.

"Gru, I need your help. It's..."

"No, fuck that. I don't do that anymore."

"But..."

"Look I don't like being here! I don't like these powers! I don't like being fucking immortal! You know that!"

"Yeah...

> You say "gru, kill diane "

"NO! Maybe if you had done that when I first suggested it, I wouldn't have gotten attached to her, and then my existence would have been easier to deal with! Do you want me to become a roiling sea of vengeful demons that will rain fire down upon the world?"

> You say "gru kill her"

"That's just it though, I can't do that. The only reason why I didn't kill her is because I knew you'd get upset about it. But y'know what? I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway. This whole thing was stupid."

Mr. Peanutbutter transforms into a red demonic creature that you've never seen before. It stares at you with a blank expression.

> You cum.

You quickly ejaculate onto your clothes and the floor. The demonic creature glares at you.

"Sorry about this." Mr. Peanutbutter says as he returns to his natural form.

The creature pounces on you and begins to strangle the life out of you.

> You ask gru to help you.

You call for Gru to save you, but he doesn't move a muscle.

"What the fuck did you do to him?" You say, struggling to breathe.

"I sent him on a mission."

"But... I need him! I'm supposed to meet the others soon, we're trying to find a way to... Fuck!"

"I'm not helping you."

"You don't understand! This is my whole life here!

> You say "fool me once fool me twice fool me chicken soup with rice"

"Hah, you are hilarious. Fine, I'll help you, but you're going to owe me."

"What?"

"You heard me! Now let's get your boy back."

Gru floats over to Mr. Peanutbutter, who looks confused.

"Don't worry about him." Gru says.

Mr. Peanutbutter follows Gru's gaze and sees you struggling to breathe.

> You push mr penutbutter off of your throat.

You shove mr. Peanutbutter off of your throat, he doesn't seem to understand why you're angry.

"Who are you?" He asks.

> You kill mr penutbutter.

"I'm your enemy." You say, and grab him by the throat.

"You're... You're killing him!" Gru says.

"Why? We needed him to open the portal."

"I don't like this, you know I don't like this.

> You say "mr penutbutter is needed to open the portal to hell?"

"He'd be better than me any day.

You drop Mr. Peanutbutter's body to the ground.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Gru asks.

"What does it look like?" You ask.

"It looks like you killed him!"

"

you bring mr penutbutter back to life, what do you think?"

Gru says nothing, he knows arguing with you will result in violence.

"Come on." You say, and begin walking towards the portal.

"What about mr peanutbutter?" Gru asks.

"He's dead.

> You say "does mr penutbutter hold a constant, or do I do?"

"Well, it changes, but I'm sure you can handle it."

"Good, let's go."

You begin floating towards the portal.

> You begin to leak goo.

"I... I can't do this anymore." You say.

"What, the portal thing?"

"No, this."

You begin leaking a clear substance.

"Oh, oh fuck. Let's go, let's go." Gru says, following you.

You continue leaking goo. You can feel it getting worse, the walls are starting to close in. You know this must be what it feels like to have a heart attack.

"What's wrong?"

"I..."

"Stop!" Gru yells.

You continue to leak goo. You have no words.

"STOP!" He says, breaking into a run.

Gru finally stops and backs up a few paces.

"I don't like this." He says.

"Neither do I." You say.

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't be held responsible for this."

"Neither can I. I should've listened to you.

"Yeah, you should've. Good thing you didn't."

"No, it's a good thing I listened to you. If I hadn't, this..."

Gru's head begins to expand rapidly. It begins to glow. You try to scream, but nothing comes out. You begin to feel intense heat. You let out a few squeals as the pain is too much to handle. The sound doesn't even make it out. The only thing you can do is feel your body being engulfed by fire.

> You screetch.

You scream as you begin to hear screams from the other side of the portal. This sound continues to get louder and louder. Eventually, the portal disappears and you're left with an empty black void.

You hope Gru makes it out of there alive.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the portal...

Gru sees you walking towards him with the most devastated look on your face. It's enough to break even the toughest of souls.

"Dani?" He asks.

"I'm so sorry." You say.

"Fuck."

You and Gru stare at each other, not knowing what to say. There isn't even time for him to react, as he is immediately hit in the chest by a fireball. He is sent flying into the wall, completely incinerated.

"No..." You let out a guttural scream.

You try to scream again, but nothing comes out. Your vocal cords have been burnt to a crisp. All that's left is a charred mess. You feel your body being picked up by the fire, and set down again.

"I am justice." The voice says.

You find yourself shrinking down to a more manageable size, and looking up at the portal once more.

> You walk towards the portal.

You walk towards the portal, not even knowing what else you can do. You look back once, and see the burning corpse of Gru lying on the ground, his hands clasped in prayer.

The portal is large, and it leads to a black void.

> You say "gru...."

"Fuck you." You whisper.

You enter the portal, not even knowing what you're saying.

The black void disappears as your vision fades to black.

> You skin fetish.

You awaken on a blackened floor, lying in a pool of what used to be a liquid. You look at your arm; it's brown. You look at the wall; it's brown, and covered with weird symbols. You look at your leg; it's brown, and covered with weird symbols. You look at your other arm; it's brown, and covered with weird symbols. You realize what you're looking at. You quickly stand, your legs aching, and run over to the wall. You look at the floor, and sure enough, you see that it's dry.

"Fuck, I'm really here." You say to yourself.

Your skin is tingling all over. What the hell happened to you?

> You say "whats happening"

You stare at the black void in front of you, the walls surrounding you covered with even weirder symbols. You feel like you've been here before, somewhere.

"Why do I feel like I've been here before?" You wonder aloud.

Suddenly, you feel yourself being yanked back. You let out a yell, as you're torn from the portal and sent tumbling across the floor. You let out a couple more screams as your skin is burnt and peeled off from your body.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" You let out a few more times as your body is torn apart and rebuilt to the consistency of jelly. You let out one final yell before you're unable to scream at all, before everything goes black forever.