XXV. Gay Fieri: Gru’s Basement Lost Episode

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You watch as Guy Fieri gets stuffed in the crust. Guy's scrotum is completely filled with food. The last thing you see is Guy Fieri's head popping out of his body and falling to the floor.

> You tickle Gru's cunt.

You laugh when you hear Gru moan. You tickle her clit with your finger, causing her to squeal in delight. She continues to scream as you continue to play with her. Her legs start shaking uncontrollably and she begins crying out loudly.

> You search Gru's asshole for eggs.

You look for eggs in Gru's butt. You find some eggs and eat them. They taste horrible, but they're the only food you've been able to find since you were captured.

> You say "Why do your asshole eggs taste like shit?"

"Why do your egg-yolk eggs taste like crap?" you ask.

"Because my poop tastes like pee!" Gru answers.

"Okay, okay! We'll stop talking about that now," you say.

"Alright then, what else did you want to talk about?"

> You say "I want to talk about the Phallic Tests."

"What kind of tests?" you ask.

"The Phallic Tests," Gru answers.

"Yeah, I'm not interested in that stuff," you say.

"Well, I guess we should go into more detail about those things."

"Sure," you agree.

"First off, the Phallic Test involves sticking something up someone's rectum."

"Oh yeah? What does that involve?" you ask.

"It involves putting your hand inside their pants and pushing down on their peen while continuing to stick your other hand in there,"

> You say "What's the Cunt Test?"

"The Cunt Test involves trying to push something up someone's butt crack while they're asleep."

"That sounds like a lot of work," you say.

"Yes, it is," Gru admits.

> You say "What about the Milk Test?"

"The Milk Test involves drinking milk from a cup full of feces."

"Wait, so you mean I have to drink poop milk?" you ask.

"No, no, no! That would be gross! It's just a joke. But if you really wanted to try it..."

You pause for a moment. You don't know why you're hesitating, but you suddenly feel uncomfortable. Something feels wrong here...

Suddenly, Gru starts laughing maniacally and begins to dance around in the room.

> You say "Gru, what is the Mandler Test?"

"The Mandler Test involves getting a man to lick his own mandrake root."

> You say "What is Johnny Test?"

"Johnny Test involves giving a man an erection by rubbing salt on his testicles."

"So, are you saying I need to give myself an erection?" you ask.

"Um...yeah...that's right..." Gru says.

"But why would I do such a thing?"

"Well, uh...you see, I was thinking that maybe you could help me out with some of my experiments. Like helping me get rid of the parasites or whatever it is I have to do to make sure this place doesn't fall apart."

> You say "What is the Gil Test?"

"The Gil Test involves making a man ejaculate gold dust."

> You say "What is the Henry Teacherman Test?"

"The Henry Teacherman Test involves having a naked man stand in front of a mirror and tell you his name."

> You say "Is there a Stuffing Test?"

"The Stuffing Test involves stuffing a man's face with chicken manure."

"I thought you said you were going to test the stuffer's ability to survive in this world.

> You say "What's stuffing ability?"

"Stuffing ability is basically how well a person can take a crap without passing out first. If you want to find out who the best stuffers are, we'll have to go back into the basement and start all over again."

> You follow Gru into his basement.

You enter Gru's basement and immediately notice that he has set up several traps. There are various sized wooden stakes all over the floor, many of which are tipped with nails. A large metal trash bag sits next to one of the walls, where Gru has stuffed a human torso inside it.

Gru stuffs you.

"Now then, let's see who can survive longer!" Gru laughs.

As soon as you hear that laugh, your body goes numb and you feel like someone has stabbed you in the stomach. As Gru pulls out his knife, he shouts at you to keep quiet about it. He tells you to just focus on breathing normally, but you're not listening. You don't care if you die here! This isn't fair!

Suddenly, Gru stops laughing and looks down at himself. His eyes widen when he sees that his chest cavity is filled with blood.

> You min mang.

"Oh no!" Gru exclaims. "My heart stopped beating for a moment there! I'm gonna die here! What am I supposed to do now? Am I supposed to just stay dead forever?"

Min Mang. Min Mang. Min Mang. Min Mang.

"I guess I should be thankful that my heart didn't explode from all the stress."

"Yeah, well I think you know what would've happened if it had done so."

"WHAT?!" you scream in terror. "How did you-"

Cum Mang.

"Wouldn't you rather me live than die?"

"No... NO! No, no, no! I want YOU to LIVE!"

"Fine. But I won't make any promises."

"Okay..." You sigh. "Alright, fine. Let's get started then."

> You jeffery Epstein.

"Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!" you shout. "Stop being such a baby and come help me!"

"But I'm the only one with the strength to carry you up these stairs."

"Then why aren't you helping me?"

"Because I'm too scared of heights."

> You taste Guy Fieri ass.

"Ahhh! That was good!" Jeffery says. "So, uh, what exactly happened after you got up those stairs?"

> You say "I ejaculated"

"Uh huh. Yeah, that's pretty much what happened."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it."

"Hm, yeah. Thanks."

"What were you going to do with yourself?

> You say "ejaculate"

"Well, I was planning on going back home."

"Home?"

"Yeah, I lived there before."

"You mean you still live there?"

"Yep. It's a small town called Westfield. My dad runs an auto parts store there."

> You say "Grog"

"Grog? Grog?"

"Yes, sir. The name means 'old man' in some sort of dialect spoken by the people living in this area."

"A dialect I don't understand.

> You say "Grogman"

"Grogman? Is that your real name or are you using it as a nickname?"

"It's a nickname. Grog is short for glutton."

"Glutton?"

"Yeah, gluttons. They eat everything they can get their fat mitts on."

> You say "Crap your pants."

"That's not very nice. Are you a boy or a girl?"

"Um... I'm a guy."

"Are you married?"

"No, but we have been intimate together."

"Ohh, I see. Well, how about we go find out?"

> You say "grab a pole"

You grab a pole and start swinging it at the wall.

"Whoa! Hold on!" Jeffery shouts. "Don't swing at the wall like that!"

"Just tryin'." You reply.

> You say "Can I lick your taint?"

"Sure, just hold on."

"Can I suck your nipples?"

"Sure, just hold on."

"Can I stick my tongue in your mouth?"

"Sure, just hold on."

The two of you continue to swing the pole around the room.

> You say "Sure, just hold on."

You give in and let Jeffery stick his tongue in your mouth. He licks all over your face, down into your hair and even inside your ear.

"Mmmm, you taste so good." He says. "Now I think its time for me to take care of you."

He grabs your hips and starts thrusting in and out of you. His hands grip your thighs tightly while he fucks you hard. You feel him starting to pump faster and harder in and out of you. Your legs begin to shake uncontrollably from the pleasure. Suddenly, he stops.

"Hold on. Let me catch my breath." He says. "Come here."

Jeffries pulls away from you and walks towards the bed where you see a naked woman lying next to it.

> You say "Skwer Ting?"

"What do you want?"

"I need your help." She replies. "My boyfriend broke up with me and I need someone to come clean to. I know you're the only one who would be able to do it."

"How did he break up with you? What happened?"

"Well, he said something about me being too much of a slob. I mean, I am, but..."

"But what?"

"I dunno. It was pretty vague."

"Okay then. We'll go back to our normal conversation later."

"

> You say "Where am I?"

"I don't know yet. But I need you to come with me right now."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I won't be able to finish this job."

"What kind of job is it?

> You say "A hand job?"

"Yeah, but I need you to get there before midnight. If you miss the deadline, I'm going to lose my job."

"Wait, why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you and because it's the right thing to do.

> You say "Where is Guy Fieri?"

"I can't tell you. Because if I told you, you'd never forgive me."

"Are we really going to do this?"

"Yes."

> You say "Tell me or Gru will milk your udders."

"Gru doesn't like surprises. Besides, I already have an idea of where we're going."

"Alright, fine. Where are we going?"

"We're going to the bathroom together."

"So...you've been having a secret affair with Guy Fieri? Is that what you're telling me?"

"No! That's not true!"

"Then how the hell am I supposed to believe you?!"

"Just trust me. I promise it's the truth.

> You say "Is that what you told the gorls?"

"That's what I told the gorl. He didn't believe me either."

"You lied to them?! They're going to think you're some crazy person!"

"They probably will. And they'll be right."

"Fine, I'll believe you. Come on, let's go.

> You leave.

You walk down the hallway in silence. Eventually, you reach the end of it and enter a room which looks exactly like the last one you were in. The walls are made of wood paneling and there's a small table against one wall with several bottles on top of it.

> You wander the streets looking for Gru's golden base.

After wandering around aimlessly for awhile, you decide to head back home. As you pass by the house again, you see a man sitting at his computer typing away.

"Hey kid, whatcha lookin' fer?" A voice says from behind you.

> You say "Who am i?"

"Who am i?"

"The name's Kid, whatchu lookin' fer?"

"Uh, yeah. Who am i?"

"Well you said you wanted to find Gru's gold base. Well here ya go."

> You say "Where'd you get this?"

"Oh, I got it from a guy named Guy Fieri. He gave it to me as a gift."

"Guy Fieri? What the hell is he doing giving out gold bases? It's illegal! Why would anyone give him their gold bases?"

"He was generous enough to give me something I could use to get back home."

"You mean you stole it?"

"No, no. I found it while exploring the basement.

> You say "Gru's basement?"

"Yeah, Gru's basement. I heard about him from Guy Fieri."

"What the hell does he know about Gru?"

"Nothing except that he has a big basement and lives in it. Anyway, I'm off now."

> You say "gilliam"

"Gilliam?"

"Yeah, Gilliam. What's your real name anyway?"

"It's Kelly."

"I don't want to hear it!"

"Okay then, Kelly."

"Kelley..." You mutter.

Gru shafts you a smile before walking away.

> You notice the stray dog in the corner.

You walk past the abandoned building and come across a stray dog running along the sidewalk. It seems to have been hit by a car or something. You watch it run for a moment until it stops moving completely.

> You give it rabies.

You approach the dog and give it rabies. It immediately begins growling and howls before collapsing onto its side. You quickly put it out of its misery before taking your phone out to call your parents.

"Hey mom, dad, I just killed a stray dog."

"Honey, I think we should take a break from all this killing. We're going to be late for school if we keep up this way."

"But...but they'll still kill me if I don't stop killing things!

The end.