XXXIII. Doc Beebles and the Chode: Red ending

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You are Doc Beebles. You are a beekeeper. You sell your famous Chode Honey. It tastes sooooo gooood...

"Hey, you there! I need some help with something." You call out to the man in front of you. He looks up from his book and gives you a big smile before turning back around to read. ‘Oh no problem, just one moment here.

The man seems to be wearing a dark green suit, shaped like a cock. He tells you his name is Dark Vegan and that he like toes.

‘Do you like toes?' he asks, not looking up from his book. You tell him that you do and he smiles. He takes off his left shoe and points his big toe at you. It looks just like a dildo.

> You say "YOUR TOE LOOKS LIKE A CHODE BEE !!!"

"Your toe looks like a Chode Bee!!" you blurt out, a little too loudly. The man looks up at you in surprise, then seems to realise something. He gives you a wink and puts his book away.

You notice the man has a bump on his forehead.

> You say "What is that bump ?"

"What is that bump?" you ask, pointing to the bump on his forehead. The man seems to ponder his answer before answering.

"Oh this? I got it from a jellyfish when I was little." He answers, touching the bump gently.

> You cover his toes in Chode Honey.

"Your feet look so soft." you say, as you pour the honey over his feet. The man seems to understand and pulls off his socks.

"Would you like a foot rub?" he asks, pointing to his big toe. You nod eagerly and he gets to work.

> You get your bees to sting his toes.

You nod eagerly and get your bees to sting his toes. It only takes a few stings before he gets the hint.

"Ouch! That hurt! Alright, alright, I'll sign it!" he shouts, ripping the petition in half.

The ground begins to shake, a powerful quake. You realise that the Chode's sphincter must be near. The man turns white as a ghost, before running off. The rumbling gets worse and you see the ground open up.

"CHODE'S BUTT-HONEY OVEN!"

Brain Freezer jumps out of the CHODE BUTT-HONEY OVEN.

"Hello!" he says, as if nothing is wrong. The ground shakes even more violently. You see a red laser sight begin sweeping across the sky, looking for targets.

"Quick! Get inside Chode's bumhole!" Dr. Zayday shouts.

The butt-hole makes a loud "fwap" noise as it flaps open. You look up and realise you're staring deep into Chode's smelly rectum. You feel your breakfast making its way up your throat.

> You fwap.

You hear the horrible sounds of your fellow Kiss members screaming in agony. Then, you feel a terrible pain as something cuts into your leg. You look down and see a tentacle has wrapped itself around your left leg and is pulling hard.

> You cUM.

As you enter the gaping butthole, a thick white liquid sprays over your body. You feel the tentacles go back to their frenzied attack on your fellow bandmates. You look up and see that your feet are now deep in Chode's rectum.

> You say "Who the fuck are you ?"

"Who the fffuuuuu....ooooh! You're that little beekeeper. Why are you here?" he says, trying to sound intimidating.

> You say "Fuck you "

"FUCK YOU!" you shout, struggling to get free of the tentacles.

"That's what I thought." He says, with a devilish grin. Chode sticks his massive erection right in your face, smacking you in the head with it.

> You invoke the Phallic Constants.

You grab Chode's massive erection and point it straight up. You quickly recite the incantation, making sure to pronounce every last letter. You watch as Chode's member begins to glow a bright red, and starts giving off heat.

"Hey! Stop that!" he screams, as his member begins to burn his own leg. He lets go of you, and you tumble to the ground.

"Now, Bees!" you shout, and a cloud of angry bees fly out of your sleeves and buzz around Chode's face. He tries to run, but the bees are relentless, stinging him all over his face.

> You say "STING HIS BONER, NOW !!!!!!!"

You scream and jump up and down. The bees, thankfully, listen to you, and begin stinging Chode's member en masse. He lets out a horrible scream, before his member starts to pulsate.

"It burns! It burns!"

"It's all okay now" you hear from behind you. You turn and see Gru standing there completely naked, except for the scarf on his cock.

"Gru? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same, but it looks like you've already got yourself in quite a sticky situation."

He approaches you, but Chode's member starts to pulsate faster.

"Get away! It's going to explode!" you shout, but Gru just laughs.

"Trust me, it's okay."

He starts to stroke Chode's burning member, which seems to calm it down.

"Hey! Stop that!" Chode says. "I'm supposed to explode!"

"Shhhhhh. No, you're not." Gru says, as his scarf starts wrapping itself around Chode's burning dong. "You're calm now. See?"

Chode's pulsating member begins to resemble Gru's own, and it settles down completely.

"Now be a good boy and don't explode." Gru says, as he finishes wrapping his scarf around Chode's dong. "There we go. Good member."

Chode's face is one of pure shock.

"I can't feel my dong!"

"It's okay, it'll grow back."

Gru turns to you.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Thanks Gru."

"Got your penis !" Gru laughs as he shoves it in his bag.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm collecting dicks. I have ten so far, and I need twenty for my exhibit."

"What the hell? Why?"

"It's a hobby."

> You say "What the fuck is your exhibit ?"

"An exhibit about dicks, of course. The world hasn't seen one since..." He stops himself. "Well, it's just a great idea. Anyway, come on."

He turns and walks off into the darkness.

> You say "SINCE WHEN ?"

"SINCE WHEN WHAT?"

"SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU HAD THIS IDEA?" you ask Gru.

"Oh, for a while."

"How long is 'a while'?"

"Since I was thirteen. Now come on, before he wakes up."

> You say "WHO ?"

"A FRIEND."

You walk behind the ticket booth and into a door there. Gru pulls out a flashlight and turns it on, leading you down a set of stairs.

The walls are lined with stacks of wooden crates, each one marked with a number and a different language. You see "Spanish", "German", "Greek", "Aboriginal", and many other types that you don't recognize.

"This is where I keep the dicks."

> You open a box marked "Bobby Eros"

You open the box, and find a tiny wooden statue, covered in tribal tattoos. You remove it from the box, and hold it up to examine it. It's about five inches long, and carved to resemble a man with a full beard and a mustache, and elaborate headdress.

"That's an Aboriginal soul reader." Gru says. "They used them to find lost travelers, or the best spot to hunt."

"This one isn't very big."

"It's about a thousand years old, give or take."

"How do you know all this?"

"I've been collecting dicks for a long time, kid. A long, long time."

You hear footsteps above you, and put the statue back in the box. Gru shuts the lid, then puts the box back on the shelf.

> You open a box labelled "Zedrick"

You open the box, and find a tiny wooden statue, covered in tribal tattoos. You remove it from the box, and hold it up to examine it. It's about five inches long, and carved to resemble a man with a full beard and a mustache, and elaborate headdress.

> You say "Gru, are Bobby and Zedrick the same person ?"

"No. Why would you think that?"

"This statue says 'Zedrick'."

"That's not the real one. That one's a fake."

"Oh.

> You say "You say "Gru, who holds the 9th Phallic Constant. The Death Constant."

"My... old friend, Nicodemus."

"Who's that?"

"The leader of the Fiends."

"Oh.

> You say "Phallic Constants ! PENIS ! PENIS ! PENIS !"

"Hey! Stop that!"

"What's the point of having a talking scalpel if I can't ask it stupid questions?"

You stop playing with the scalpel, and Gru continues.

Bumper Tickles dives in through the roof. He begins to ask for your lunch money before he turns to Johnny Test, who has a frightened look on his face.

"You didn't think I'd forgotten about you, did you?" Bumper says, licking his lips.

"Please, have mercy! I haven't eaten in days!"

"That's what I like to hear."

"Guess what Johnny ? YOU'RE GETTING SKINNED !" Bumper yells as he begins to cut off all of Johnny's skin. Gru begins laughing, as Johnny's screams fill the air.

"Well, I guess it's time to go." Gru says.

"Goodbye, Gru!" you say.

You walk out of the room, as Gru answers back.

"Goodbye, Professor!"

> You say "Johnny ! NO !"

"JOHNNY !" you yell, as Gru closes the door.

"What's wrong?" Gru asks.

"We can't leave him here to die!"

"It's too late for him."

> You invoke the Dad Constant and Hugh Test appears.

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE ! PLEASE SAVE ME, GRAND SPAGHETTI WITCH !"

You look around, and notice a blue, furry creature with tiny wings.

"This is no time for magic, son," Hugh says.

"Eat your meatloaf" Hugh tells his son.

"You didn't let me finish," you say. "That's no ordinary blue, furry creature. That's a faerie !"

"It is?"

"Yes. It's going to help us escape. Faeries are known for granting wishes.

Hugh opens the door to find Johnny's skinned body, but he is still alive somehow. You start telling your bees to sting his exposed flesh.

"I... I don't want to die..." Johnny says, as he slowly dies.

"We have to make a break for it."

"But it's getting dark," Hugh says. "And we don't have a flashlight.

Gru lights up his balls so you can all see. "It's a little trick I learned" he says.

You, Hugh, and Gru make a break for it. A couple of monsters stand in your way, but they are easily dispatched by the combined power of you and your faerie allies.

You arrive back at the hotel.

> You say "I'm hard"

You turn to Gru. "I'm hard," you say.

"I'm hungry," Gru says. "Want to order a pizza?"

> You make a pizza out of Johnny's skinned body.

You, Gru, and Hugh sit down to a lovely dinner.

"Mmm, human pizza," Gru says, taking a slice. "Care for some, nephew?"

"No thanks," you say. "I'm not hungry."

Gru stops eating.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY ? FUCK YOU !" Gru shouts, before taking his pizza and leaving.

"Sorry about my uncle," Hugh says. "He gets cranky when he's hungry."

"It's O K," you say.

You go to bed.

Mayor Howard enters your asshole to find what you're really hiding up there, like the famous Harry Potter and Hugh Test.

You were adopted.

The End.

You have reached the "Red" ending.

You are a massive communist.

show the "Blue" ending.

"True Detective" ends, as you and Gru end up having to find two more abducted children, before eventually catching the culprit and putting him behind bars.

You and Gru remain friends until the very end. You grow old together, reminiscing about the old days.

show the "Yellow" ending.

You are a massive masochist, and get off to the pain of others.

You remain single for the rest of your life, eventually dying of blood loss after ripping your own genitals off during an orgy.

You have reached the "Green" ending.

show the "White" ending.

You are a massive sadist, getting off on the pain of others.

You marry Gru, and the pair of you live happily every after.

show the "True" ending.

You are a massive sadist, and get off on the pain of others.

Gru asks you to marry him, which you accept. The pair of you live happily every after.

This is the "True" ending.

show the "False" ending.

You are a massive masochist, and get off to the pain of others.

You refuse to marry Gru, as you feel that he's never done anything worthy of your love.

Gru kills you in a fit of anger, pissing on your corpse before eating it.

show the "Cock" ending.

You are a massive sissy, and get off on having your wife be in charge.

You grow old with your wife, Gru. You live a long, miserable life without ever once growing a pair.

"Well... that's the problem solved,"

show the "Gru's Milk" ending.

You are a massive baby, and get off on sucking on toes.

The stress of your horrible marriage causes you to die of a heart attack.

show the "Cameron" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

The stress of your horrible marriage causes you to die of a drug overdose.

show the "Cameron Wilcox" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

You and Gru never find your sister, as she was killed by the men who took her.

show the "Clyde" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

You never find your sister, as she was killed by the men who took her.

show the "Cheese" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

Gru gets fed up with you, and moves out, leaving you all alone.

show the "Dorothy" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

Gru gets fed up with you, and moves out, leaving you all alone.

This ending is identical to the "Cheese" ending.

show the "Grogman" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

Gru gets fed up with you, and moves out, leaving you all alone.

This ending is identical to the "Clyde" ending.

show the "Orc" ending.

You are a massive fag, and get off on smelling feet.

Gru gets fed up with you, and moves out, leaving you all alone.

This ending is identical to the "Dorothy" ending.

show the "Stinky" ending.

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