XX. League of Gruper Evil

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You are Voltar, an owner living at the largest privately owned big cat zoo in the world. You have an eye ring and a mullet. You are looking for the next easy way to save money. You have found that you can cut costs drastically at your zoo by hiring a few of these "Zoo Workers" to do all of your work around the house. They will be paid minimum wage, but they won't complain about working long hours or getting little sleep since it is their only job.

> You walk your evil ass towards Doktor Frogg.

You step out of the bathroom and head down to the front desk where you find yourself face to face with a very large man wearing a red lab coat. He looks up from his computer as he sees you standing there.

"Hello," he says in a gruff voice.

> You say "Doktor."

"I'm sorry, I don't speak English," you say.

"Oh no, not another one of those! How come you're so good at this?" he asks.

"Because I'm a big guy!

> You say "How big are you?"

"Well, I'm 6'4 '' and weigh over 300 pounds!"

"That's... pretty big..."

"It's what I am! It was how I used to live my life before the Zodiacs came along!"

"What do you mean? What happened?

> You say "Yeah, but how big are you really?"

"I'm not sure yet. I've been on a diet and exercising, but I haven't gotten back to my old size yet."

"Hmm, well if you keep going like that, then maybe you'll get there!"

"Maybe," you admit.

"Good! Good!"

> You notice his bulge.

He notices your bulge and lets out a huge laugh.

"Hey, you got something bigger than me here! Come on let's see what we've got!" he says.

As he walks forward toward you, you realize that he has some sort of machine attached to him. The thing that catches your eye is a tube coming out of his neck and into a jar on the floor. When he reaches you, he opens the top of the jar and takes out a small ball of bright yellow goo.

"Here," he says handing it to you.

> You say "What is this?"

"This is a super-concentrated version of the food you eat every day. It contains everything you need to survive, including vitamins and minerals. It's also delicious!"

"So what does this do?

> You say "What is it called?"

"The name of the product is 'Zom-Bollocks.'"

"What?!" you exclaim.

"Yes, it's a pun! A very bad one!" he laughs. "But seriously, it means 'Eat Me'."

> You say "penis"

"Penis."

"Uh oh, did I offend you?" he asks. "I apologize, sir. My apologies."

You shrug your shoulders and continue eating the cheese steak.

> You eat his cheese steak.

You finish off the entire plate in about five minutes. You feel full, but you aren't hungry anymore.

"Wow, that was great," you say as you start to leave. "Thanks for the meal."

"No problem, sir."

> You give a wedgie to the Red Menace.

You walk down the hallway with your bulging belly in tow. You pass by a few people who stare at you suspiciously. They probably think you're trying to steal their underwear or something.

Eventually, you reach a door labeled "Exit." You open it up and step outside. There is no one around so you take a deep breath and begin walking towards the city center.

Suddenly, you hear a loud noise behind you. You turn around and see two men holding guns to your head...

> You suck their cocks.

You quickly turn around and put your hands up. One of them grabs you by the hair and starts pulling it while the other pulls your pants down. He begins thrusting his hips forward, then back again.

> You give them reach a rounds.

You grab his legs and pull him toward you. The man on top of you grabs your head and begins ramming his tongue into yours. He continues doing this until he has filled your mouth completely with his hot, salty saliva.

> You finger the Red Menace.

You use your fingers to stroke his nutsack and slide them inside of you. His meaty rod fills your mouth and throat completely. Your lips wrap around his prick and begin sucking hard on it. He lets out a moan when you finally get enough air in your lungs to let go of him.

He takes your hand and leads you over to the edge of a cliff where he throws you over. You land on your butt with a thud. He stands above you and looks down at you. His eyes are bloodshot from drinking too much whiskey earlier in the night.

"What do you want?" he asks.

"I'm not sure yet," you reply. "But I'll be getting my answers soon enough."

Doomageddon runs off the cliff. You look at him and smile.

"Well, if you're going to kill me, make it quick."

> You fuck your dog.

You run after Doomad and catch up to him. He's got a bag full of stuff in front of him. A couple bottles of wine, some pills, a small pipe, and more than a few bags of weed. He tosses you a cigarette lighter and you light it up. You start lighting up as fast as possible.

"Hey! Watch it!" Doomad shouts. "This isn't like the old days."

"It is now,"

> You disrobe entirely.

You throw off all your clothes and take a deep breath. You step into the puddle of urine left behind by Doomad. You walk slowly towards Doomad who doesn't move or even acknowledge your presence.

> You become erect.

You put your hands against the wall and lean against it. You begin rubbing yourself up and down the walls of the cave. As you do so, you notice that there is something very strange about this cave. It feels like its made of solid rock but it isn't solid at all...

> You stick your cock in Doomad's cave.

You pull out your dildo and stick it in Doomad's cave. The cave begins to shake violently as you thrust your massive member into the stone walls.

> You ruub.

The cave shakes again as you ram your raging boner into the ground. You feel like you could explode any second, but you don't care because you've been waiting for this moment since day one.

You pump your hips forward and slam into Doomad's cave.

> You fist him deeply.

You punch Doomad hard in his face, knocking him backwards. You then grab your dildo and shove it deep inside his mouth.

"Ahh!" Doomad lets out a yell as he grabs onto the ceiling of the cave with both hands.

The Red Menace spreads Doomad open. His eyes roll back in his head and he falls backwards. You stand over him and shoot a stream of fire at him. He screams loudly as the flames engulf his body, burning away everything except for his flaming skull.

You let out a sigh of relief.

> You walk back to the Doktor.

You turn around and walk back to the Doktor.

"I think I need to go see my doctor about that," you say.

"No, no, no, just keep going," the Doktor says. "We're not done yet."

> You examine his anus.

You continue walking through the cave. Suddenly, you hear a loud noise coming from above you. You look up and see a huge boulder falling on top of you!

"What the hell was that?" you ask.

"That was some sort of meteorite,"

A 500 pound Asian man with a beard and a mustache steps out of the cave and walks towards you. He has a long ponytail and wears sunglasses. He looks like he's from another planet.

> You say "Periwinkle?"

"Periwinkle? That's a strange name," you say.

"It is, but I'm sure if we were talking about animals, you'd know what it means."

"Well, uhm... OK," you reply.

He nods and turns around to leave the cave.

> You say "Tackle him."

You run after the man who is now running off. You quickly catch up to him and tackle him to the ground.

"Didn't expect to meet you here," you say.

"Yeah, well I had a lot of time on my hands," he replies.

> You play with his belly.

You put your hand under his belly button and start playing with his belly button. He laughs and touches your arm.

"How did you get so close without me noticing?" he asks.

"I didn't really want to be too obvious about it," you reply.

> You say "You're just too cute."

You smile and kiss him on the cheek. He smiles back and puts his arms around you.

"So how do you know all this stuff?" he asks.

"My dad told me a lot of things when I was little.

> You say "He told me not to be ashamed of our dicks."

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. My dad also taught me about the importance of keeping them clean and always using deodorant."

> You say "He taught me to let it build up."

"Yes, he did. It takes awhile though, but eventually they grow to their full size."

The two of you spend the rest of the day together. The sun sets as night begins to fall and you both go home.

Justice Gene stops you on your way home and lectures you about being gay.

Justice Gene straps you in bondage.

"Do you realize what you've done?" he demands.

"No, I don't think so," you reply. "But I'll admit, it felt good."

"You've been a naughty boy. You know homo sex is sin." Gene says.

"And I'm going to die for it," you reply.

"Now listen here, sonny boy! If you ever talk like that again, I swear to God I will strap you down and make love to your mouth!" Justice Gene exclaims.

"Fine then," you say.

"If you ever try anything like that again, I swear to God I will..."

"Don't worry, if it gets out of hand, I'll kill you myself."

"Well... okay then," Gene says. "Goodbye."

> You adjust your buldge.

You take off your belt and tie it around your waist. You then pull your pants up and tuck your shirt into its place.

"What's wrong? Is there something on my face?" you ask.

"Nah, nothing," Justice Gene replies.

> You say "Your buldge, sir."

"Yeah, well, I guess we better get started," you reply.

"Alright then, come on," Justice Gene says.

You walk over to the cage where the tiger cubs are kept and put your hands against it. One of the guards opens the door and lets you inside.

> You say "I beg your pardon sir. I meant your bulge."

"My bulge?" Justice Gene asks.

"It's just a simple question sir. Your bulge or mine?"

"Mine," you reply.

"Oh, yes, I remember you from when we were little boys. We used to play hide-and-seek all the time. When we grew older, we would fight each other all the time too."

Periwinkle tries to save you from Gene.

"We're not fighting anymore, we're friends now," she says.

"Friends? But I thought you guys fought all the time.

> You cum in your pants.

"Come on, let's go back to our cages," Justice Gene says.

You follow him outside and he leads you through the forest towards his private zoo. As soon as you enter the main building, you see a large glass case with a few tigers and leopards in it.

> You sort his folds.

The tiger cubs are caged in a separate room, but they seem content enough playing with one another. The only thing that catches your attention is the small crowd gathered around them. They look bored and unhappy.

> You let the tigers out their cages.

Justice Gene takes you aside.

"Hey, what do you think about letting these tigers out?"

"They're cute," you admit. "But I don't know why we should risk getting caught."

"Because I'm going to make sure they never grow old and ugly!"

> You say "How?"

"Well, I need to take care of this problem before it gets worse," Justice Gene explains.

"And how will you do that?"

"By making sure they stay young forever! By having me breed with every female tiger I catch!"

"Wait...you mean...?"

"Yes! Yes, I am going to breed with every single tiger I catch!"

"What?! No! That's impossible!"

"No, it isn't. Look, if you want to help me get rid of my bulge, then please come with me.

> You cum with him.

You walk into the cage where the tigers are. There is no sign of any women, so you assume that they must be all male. You hear a voice coming from inside.

"I'll help you, but I need some information first."

"Oh, okay. What do you want?"

"Do you know anything about a cure for aging?

> You say "The cure for aging is fucking tigers."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's get started."

"Okay..."

"Alright, I need you to grab a couple of females and bring them here. Then I'll explain everything to you."

"Why would anyone want to help me? I'm just some guy who wants to buy a bunch of tiger parts."

"Because you're not very bright, or maybe you're just trying to impress me. Either way, it doesn't matter now. Go on ahead.

> You catch a tiger.

You run over to the cage where the tigers are. You see two women walking towards you. One of them looks like she has been hit by a truck and is bleeding profusely from her head.

> You take her instead.

You grab one of the women and pull her outside. She starts crying as you tell her what you want to do.

"Please, just let me go home," she says tearfully.

"Just go home, honey."

"But I don't have anywhere else to live!"

> You take a tiger.

You take another woman out of the cage and throw her in the car. The driver is surprised to see a man carrying around a dead woman in his arms. He tells you he needs to find a gas station because there won't be enough fuel left for both cars to drive back home.

> You enter the tiger cage.

You climb up the ladder and open the door. Inside is a huge tiger lying down on its side. It looks like it hasn't eaten in days, which means that it probably hasn't had food either.

> You shove your meat in its mouth.

You put your hand inside the tiger's mouth and start pushing meat in. You push until you feel blood dripping onto your hands. You then pull it out and spit it out on the ground.

"What did you do with my wife?" the driver asks angrily.

"I didn't kill her! I was saving her life!"

"That's good... That's really good... But why are you doing this? Why did you come all the way out here?"

"My boss told me to help him out. I thought I'd try something different."

"So... Are you going to sell these tigers?"

"

> You say "yes, how much?"

"How much?"

"How about $5 million dollars?"

"That's ridiculous. How would we even afford that?"

"Well, I could give you 10% of the profits if you agree to this deal."

"10%?! What the hell kind of deal is that?!"

> You rape him.

You help the driver get into his car. You then go back to the cage and help him load more meat in it. When you're done, you return to the driver who is still angry.

"Look, I'm sorry about this. We'll figure out a way to pay you back."

"No, no, I think we should keep them. They're not going to make any money off of them anyway."

Gru milks a tiger and chugs its milk. He puts it in a glass jar and drinks from it. Then he takes the lid off the jar and eats some of the flesh.

"They taste better than they look," Gru says as he chews on one of the bones.

> You say "Are you eating your minions?"

"Yes, yes, I am. I eat my minions."

"Why?"

"Because they're tasty."

"Do you know what a minion is?"

"A minion is someone who works for me. A minion does whatever I tell them to do.

> You say "What do they taste like?"

"Like chicken."

"Chicken..."

"It tastes like chicken because it's cheap. It's just a lot cheaper to buy chickens than it is to feed them."

"But... How do you know that they aren't actually human? Do you test them?"

"Of course. And I don't need to, because I know they're not human."

"Okay, but how do you know they aren't vampires or werewolves?"

"Vampires and Werewolves are very rare creatures.

> You say "What are they then?"

"They're normal animals."

"Normal animals?"

"Yeah, they're normal. Animals that live in the wild. They don't have special powers or anything like that."

"Then what are they? Are they magical?"

"No, they're just regular animals. Like cows."

"Cows!" you exclaim. "And what do you mean 'just regular'? Cows are magical! They can turn people into food too!"

"I didn't say that. I said they're just regular animals."

"So you're saying there are no magical cows?"

"There might be some magical cows, but they're rare. There's nothing special about them."

"Oh come on! You can see unicorns?

> You tickle Gru's nose.

"Tickle my nose!"

"Ow! Stop that!"

"Come on, tickle me again."

"Fine, but only if you want to get a unicorn horn."

"I won't stop until you tell me what the hell you're talking about.

> You tickle harder.

"Stop!"

"Alright, alright, I'm getting bored with this. What do you think a unicorn horn looks like?"

"Ugh! That hurts!"

"Well, I'll give you something else instead."

"WHAT?!" Gru yells.

> You tickle the inside of Gru's rectum.

"That feels so weird!"

"Good enough."

"Are you sure you shouldn't do more?"

"More what?"

"Anything else. Anything at all."

"I already told you, I've done everything."

"Then why are you still here?" Gru asks.

> You say "I want to see the milk bag."

"Milk bag?"

"Yes, I want to see the milk bag."

"The milk bag?"

"Yep. The thing where the cows put their poop when they're finished milking it off."

"Hmm..." Gru says scratching his head.

> You say "Please show me your milk bag."

"Milk bag?"

"Yep. Please show me your milk bag."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you're a nice guy who wants to help someone out, right?"

Gru shakes his head.

> You say "Are you ashamed of your milk bag?"

"Milk bag?"

"Yep. Why are you embarrassed of it?"

"It's disgusting. It smells horrible."

"What does it look like? Does it have any other uses besides being a toilet?"

"No, I just want to see the milk bag."

> You say "SHOW ME THE MILK BAG!"

"Milk bag?"

"Yeah, please show me your milk bag. We don't need to talk anymore, we just need to go over this."

"Okay then, let's start from the beginning. Where did you grow up before coming here?

> You cum.

"CUM!"

"Didn't mean to."

"So... how old were you when you came?"

"I was born on the first day of spring, which means I was born in May."

"How many siblings did you have?

> You attempt to invoke the phallic constants.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I don't know anything about them."

"Oh come on! They're not even real!"

"They're imaginary. If you really wanted to make one up, you could probably find some pictures online or something. But no, I'm not going to pretend that my brother has a giant phallus on his back."

"Fine, I'll stop asking questions now. How much do you weigh?"

"I'm not answering that question either."

"Alright then, how tall are you? Are you short or tall?"

"I'm not answering those questions either."

"Alright then, what is your name?"

"My name is Gru. What else do you want to know?"

"Well, I guess I should ask if you like cats or dogs."

"Dogs."

"Right, so what kind of dog are you?"

"A Chihuahua."

"That's pretty specific. Do you like dogs?"

"Yes, very much. So why do you care about my pet's breed?"

"Because I've been told that certain breeds tend to be more loyal than others. And since you seem like a good boy, I think it'd be a shame if you got lost."

> You say "I'm a bad boy."

"Why are you a bad boy?"

"Because I'm shy and scared most of the time. That's why I like girls best."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I wouldn't lie to you.

> You say "Can you invoke the phallic constants for me?"

"What?"

"The phallic constants. Can you invoke them for me?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, of course."

"Okay then, I'll try to get as close as possible to the ones in my mom's milk bag.

> You say "That's where you store your constants?"

"Yeah, that's where they all go."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks."

> You say "Tell me about the golden testicles."

"The golden testicles?"

"Yeah, that's what they call them. They're supposed to be round and shiny, but they look more like a pair of pebbles."

"What does that mean exactly?"

"It means I'm lucky in love.

> You say "With who?"

"Oh, well, with anyone. I don't need to tell you that."

"How come you never talk about yourself?"

"Because I'm too shy. It's a curse of mine."

"So what do you do when people aren't talking to you?

> You say "I entertain myself with my sack."

"Sack?"

"Yeah, it's a fancy word for a...well let's just say it involves me getting on my hands and knees and going down on other men. But I'm not gay! I swear!"

"Do you ever masturbate while doing this?

> You say "Yes"

"No, no, no. I'm not a pervert."

"But you have to touch yourself..."

"Not really. I enjoy it, but it's not necessary for my job."

"What about the other guys in the zoo?

> You say "Justice Gene punishes me for being too gay."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Justice Gene is a very straight man."

"Then how come he has such large testicles?"

"He's got them because he likes to impress women with his strength and virility. He doesn't want any weaklings around him."

> You say "You mad?\"

"Nah, it was fun. Now I've got to go wash up."

You leave Voltar's house and head back home. When you arrive at the door, you see a little girl standing there holding her handbag.

> You say "Steal her handbag,"

"Steal her handbag?"

"Yep, that's right. Come on, let's go."

You follow the little girl into the kitchen and she leads you over to a table where there are two bags sitting.

> You say "Stuff the bag with your sack."

"Right away, sir."

You stuff the bag full of coins and change into your sack. The little girl looks at you with a smile as if she knows something good will happen from this transaction.

> You run into the street.

You run out of the house and onto the streets. A few minutes later, you hear a car horn honk behind you. You turn around and see a man driving towards you.

"Hey, buddy! What are ya doin' out so late?"

> You say "Doktor"

"Doktor, huh? That's a nice name. Nice to meetcha."

The driver gets closer and then suddenly pulls off to the side of the road. You look around nervously before asking:

"Where were you going?

> You say "Frogg"

"Oh, sorry. Froggs are very popular these days."

You nod and begin to walk again. Suddenly, the driver calls out to you:

"Hey, buddy! Where were ya goin'? We need more froggs!"

> You say "Where did your froggs go?"

"They went to the zoo."

You look around anxiously and ask:

"Do they live there now?"

"Well, uh...they're not exactly pets anymore..."

You start to get nervous again. You quickly ask: "What does that mean?"

"It means they're no longer yours."

> You say "Doktor, cum."

"Doktor, what the hell is wrong with you?! Why would you say such a thing?!"

You feel like you're being stabbed in the chest and then punched in the stomach. You fall backwards onto the ground and try to catch yourself. You don't know how long you lay there, but eventually you wake up. You stand up slowly and look around. There is blood all over the floor and on the walls. The driver of the car has left his vehicle and gone back inside it. He comes out with a shotgun in hand.

"Alright, alright, calm down kid. I'm sure you didn't really lose any froggs."

He points the gun at you and fires several times. You scream in pain and fall to the ground.

> You release your sperm.

You let out a loud yell as you release your load. You collapse on the ground and hold your belly in pain. Your mother walks over to you and looks at the mess that was once your body.

> You cum on her.

You turn your head away from her and shoot a large amount of hot spunk into the air. She watches as it lands on her face. You watch as she starts to laugh and then begins to wipe herself off.

"That was fun, wasn't it?"

> You cum again.

You pull out your pistol and aim it at her. She looks surprised when you fire.

"Come on, we gotta go."

She nods and gets up off the ground. You follow after her. After walking a few feet, you stop suddenly.

"Wait, where's my froggs?"

You point to the car and see them sitting in the front seat. They are still alive though. You begin to walk towards them while holding your pistol. Suddenly, you hear a gunshot behind you. You turn around and see a bullet hole in your side.

"I think he got me."

> You finger your bullet hole.

You nod and rub your wound.

"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you soon."

> You say "Justice Gene. Why'd you shoot me?"

You shake your head and smile.

"Why would I do such a thing? I just wanted to make you happy."

Gene smiles and gives you a kiss before leaving. You leave the hospital room feeling better than ever.

The next day, you get a call from your mom. She asks if you want to come home early today. It seems like she wants to spend time with you more often now that things are going well.

> You say "GRU!"

You answer the phone and hear a very familiar voice.

"Grrr...grr..."

You quickly hang up and immediately start crying. You don't know why, but this is making you cry. You look through your room and find nothing but pictures of Frogger.

> You masturbate to the images of Frogger.

You grab your computer and type in the name of the game you were playing earlier. You start to play. The sound of water fills your ears as you try to drown yourself in the virtual reality.

Your eyes roll back into your head as you fall asleep.

> You wake up. Grab a brush, put on your keys and makeup.

You grab your brushes and put on your key pieces of makeup. You then grab some hairspray and paint your face red.

You walk outside and take a deep breath as you feel the sun coming through the trees.

> You suddenly your falling.

You slam into the ground hard. Your body feels like jelly and you scream out in pain. You attempt to stand up, but you feel weak and dizzy. You collapse onto the grass again, not knowing what happened to you.

Justice Gene is standing above you, erect. He stares down at you and smirks.

"What's wrong with you?" he says. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

"No! Nothing happened!" you exclaim. "Just...uh...I'm fine."

"Hm, well good,"

He begins to finger his mangina.

"Well what'd ya think of my new look?"

"It's okay," you reply. "But I still don't understand how you could cut corners so much when it comes to running this place."

"Oh yeah, that," he says and points to your eyes.

Doktor Frogg invokes the phallic constants.

"My eyes are just bigger than most people's. And they're brown too."

"Yeah, well that makes them even creepier," you say.

"And they make me look like a giant turd." Doktor Frogg looks down at himself and shrugs.

> You say "Where I lack in height I make up for."

"Where I lack in height I make up for," you say.

"That's a nice sentiment, but it doesn't really explain why you couldn't afford to hire someone else to do the job."

"I had no choice. They weren't hiring.

> You say "Gru stuffs Justice Gene."

Gru stuffs Justice Gene.

The sun shines brightly and you enjoy the warmth of the summer day. The smell of fresh air hits your nose and you smile. It's been awhile since you've felt this happy. You turn around to see if there is anyone watching, but there isn't any one.

Gru stuffed everyone into his milk bag. Gru stuffed everyone into his milk bag.

You begin to laugh. You laugh until tears come to your eyes and then you cry until you fall asleep.

the end.