XXXVI. TDI Lost Episode: Trans Dick Island

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You are Chris McLean. You are currently hosting a reality tv show called "Total Drama Island" and you love being its host. You see Duncan being naughty so you punch him in the jaw while Heather laughs at you.

"That was great!" Heather says. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Yeah, I did," you say. "But I think we should do something else for today."

"What?" Heather asks.

> You say "I have to punch you Heather !"

"Pfft! No way!"

"Well if you're going to do it, then I'll be doing it," you say. "So what's up with that?"

Heather looks at you like she doesn't know how to respond. "Uh... no! I'm not going to let you do that!"

"You have a better idea then?" you ask.

Heather thinks for a moment. "Uhhh... No?"

Chef Hatchet comes out of the kitchen carrying a bowl of hot penises. "HEATHER, DUNCAN! TIME TO EAT!"

You and Heather make a disgusted face. "EW!" You both shout.

> You force Heather and Duncan to eat the hot penises.

You're not afraid of a little constructive criticism. "Come on, let's go!" you say.

"No!" Heather and Duncan whine in unison. You frown, get closer to them, and put on your mean face.

"Now."

Chef Hatchet takes off his clothing, showing his impressive meat to Heather and Duncan. "If you don't eat the hot penises, I'll force feed it to you."

You grab Heather's hand and drag her along.

"Let me go, let me go!" she cries. "I'm not eating the hot penises!"

> You suck out Heather's soul while Duncan watches.

You grab Heather's shoulders and push her to the floor. Heather struggles, but your grip is strong. She screams as you pull out a sharp knife and place it on her cheek.

"If you don't eat the hot penises, I'll carve your face!" you say. "Do it!"

"No! Please! Stop!" Heather cries as you cut a small line on her cheek. She screams as blood comes out of her cheek. You let her up and she quickly eats the hot penises, hoping that you won't cut her again.

> You say "EAT THEM !!!"

"OKAY!" Heather cries. "OKAY! I'LL EAT THE HOT PENISES!"

You drop your knife and step back. Heather quickly eats the hot penises, then spits it out. She stands up and brushes herself off.

"Ew,"

> You say "SWALLOW THE HOT PENISES."

"NO!" Heather cries.

You get angry, you walk over to her, and push her head down. She spits out the hot penises. "I said no!"

You punch Heather in the face. "Fine! I'll force you to eat the hot penises!"

Owen enters, eating everyone in sight. You try to run away, but you trip over your own feet and land face first in the ground. You groan as Owen puts his hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, buddy," he says, "let's eat!"

"No!" you cry.

"Just doing my job," Owen says. He opens his mouth wide, revealing thousands of sharp teeth. He puts his mouth over your entire head and bites down hard.

You close your eyes as teeth puncture your skin.

> You invoke the Phallic Constants.

You invoke the... wait a minute.

The situation looks grim as Owen rips you apart with his teeth, but then the door opens, letting in the sunlight and blinding Owen. The werewolf howls in pain as it holds its hands to its eyes.

> You iNVOKE THE PHALLIC CONSTANTS !!!! PENIS ! PENIS !!! PENIS !!!!! JOHNNY TEST BUMPER TICKLES BOBBY EROS !!!!!!

The sunlight burns Owen as he howls in pain. He looks at you and Heather, his eyes widening in anger. He runs away from the sunlight, jumping through the window and running off into the woods.

You stand up slowly, watching him leave.

> You say "THE PHALLIC CONSTANTS !!!! PENIS ! PENIS !!! PENIS !!!!! JOHNNY TEST BUMPER TICKLES BOBBY EROS !!!!!!"

You yell, but Heather puts her hand on your mouth.

"Shut up," she whispers.

Owen runs out of the school and into the woods, his howls fading into the distance. You wait a few minutes, then turn to Heather.

"What now?" you ask.

"We need to get out of here," Heather says. "I can't believe this happened."

"Yeah, me neither," you say.

Heather opens the door, and sunlight fills the entryway.

You see Harold naked, his skinny little cock dangling from his crotch. He screams as the sunlight burns his pale, hairless skin.

You grab him and pull him inside.

"What the hell, man?" he asks. "Why'd you grab me?"

You walk outside and see your mom waiting in the car.

"Come on,"

You walk to your mother, Martha McLean, while she waits in the car.

"Come on,"

"We're going home," you say.

"That's probably a good idea," your mom replies.

You all walk to the car, and get in. You all head back home, where your father is waiting for you.

Geoff appears from behind the couch, throwing beans at you.

"Beans, beans, Jacob's favorite food!" he laughs.

"You're home," your father says. "I've been waiting for you."

Your father grabs you by the throat and looks into your eyes.

> You say "Doc Beebles.. I mean Dad ! "

"You're home," your father says. "I've been waiting for you."

Heather appears in the doorway.

"Are you okay?" she asks, tears welling in her eyes.

"I'm fine," you say.

"I'll go make dinner,"

"I'm right behind youuuuu" Gru whispers in your ear.

"Okay," you say.

Heather goes to the kitchen, as you turn to Gru.

"What are you doing?"

"Coming home," Gru says.

"I can tell that," you say. "Why?"

"That's a good question,"

Gru sees Geoff with his beans, sitting behind the couch waiting to surprise him. Gru enters Geoff.

"Beans, beans, Jacob's favorite food," he says in Geoff's voice.

"I love these beans," he says in his own voice.

"I love these beans," he says in his own voice.

"You're going to die!"

Gru slaps you

Gru slaps some beans

Gru stuffs Harold.

> You invoke the Phallic Constants.

You invoke the... wait a minute.

Gru laughs as his eyes widen.

"Do you feel strange, Jacob?" Gru asks, as the virus takes over your body. "Do you feel like you want to... do things?"

"Oh my god, what's happening," you say, your voice changing.

"You're turning into a woman," Gru says.

"What?"

You feel your body transforming into that of a young adult female's. Your muscles turn to fat, your chest begins to inflate, and you lose all of your body hair. You groan in pain as you grow at least ten centimeters, your feet stretching into shoes that you don't own.

"This is the first time this has happened," Gru says. "I guess you picked up a weird virus from that school. Oh well, I'll enjoy it."

Your voice lowers as you grow a few inches, your feet stretching into heels. Your toenails and finger nails darken, your skin growing paler. You groan again as you're forced into another transformation. This time, your hair darkens and lengthens, flowing down past your shoulders, as your eyes turn from blue to green. You groan again, this time in pain and horror as you feel your entire body transforming.

Your muscles disappear as your chest inflates, and you can feel your panties stretching to accommodate your new anatomy. You groan again, as your face is distorted into a feminine shape, your ears moving to accomodate your new ear size. Your voice distorts as you groan, your throat burning as it changes. You gasp, feeling the changes happening.

"Yes, yes," Gru says. "This is amazing."

You groan as you feel your chest swell slightly, your hips widening slightly. You groan, feeling pain unlike anything you've ever felt before. Your eyes widen as you stare at your hands, which are slowly turning a pale white.

"This is so interesting!" Gru says. "I've never seen a human turned into a Smiley before. It's beautiful."

You groan again as you feel your legs breaking, the skin on your knees peeling and cracking. Your legs are forced into a shape they're not meant to be, as your feet begin to turn into flippers. Your toenails fall off, as your feet turn white and smooth. You groan again as your legs burn with pain, the bones breaking and reforming. You let out a pitiful moan, as your skin begins to turn a light shade of pink.

"Don't worry,"

> You invoke the Sex Constant.

You invoke the... wait a minute.

The virus takes over your body, turning you into a beast. You scream as you grow hair in places you didn't even know had hair, as your skin burns and stretches to accommodate your new form. Your muscles burn and burst as they grow, your skeleton stretching to allow your body to become faster and stronger. Your face becomes a muzzle, as your teeth sharpen.

"What the hell is this?" Gru yells, grabbing a gun from one of the guards and firing at you.

The bullet flies through the air and into your shoulder, as you roar and snarl. You charge forward with a bestial roar, slamming into Gru and knocking him to the ground. He screams as his body is crushed under your weight, his bones breaking and tearing through his skin.

Gru invokes both the Milking and Stuffing Constants. You feel your organs being pulled from your body, as your mind is stretched and warped. You scream as your organs float around you, held up by an invisible force. You're forced to watch in horror as your lungs slowly collapse, as your heart explodes. You let out a scream of terror and pain, before everything goes black.

> You fart on Gru's balls.

Your butt opens up and lets out a light stream of air, blowing Gru in the face. He cries out, and you laugh.

"The stink!" Gru cries out, before you feel him being grabbed by his guards.

"What's going on?" you ask, as you are grabbed and restrained.

"Now! Destroy the throne!"

"MINIONS, NOW !!!!!!" Gru shouts.

The throne room is filled with the sound of a thousand guns being fired. Bullets fly through the air, shattering windows and destroying priceless antiques. The Vampire-Trolls howl as they charge forward, knocking guards aside as they try to fight back against this treason.

Gru slaps you with his flaccid cock, breaking your jaw. He raises his gun and shoots you through the chest, killing you instantly.

Doc Beebles and Harold come to your rescue. They grab Gru and hold him down.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!" he screams.

They hold him down as bullets tear through the air, killing Beebles and taking off Harold's hand.

Harold begins to levitate as he shits on Gru's face. Gru screams as he goes weak in the stomach, allowing the Trolls to hold him down more easily. You laugh as your innards turn to liquid and come pouring out of your mouth. The air is filled with bullets, covering Gru in so much lead his skin turns black.

> You say "Gru ! YOU'RE BLACK ! HA !"

"Gru! YOU'RE BLACK! HA!" you laugh.

You die, your laughter filling the room.

THE END

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show the "Gru" ending.